The Area 51 Triad
by TheSpriteOfJayum
Summary: A series of one-shots for the BOB/Dr C/Link friendships. No romances. Period. Rated K plus just in case.
1. BOB and Madame Cockroach

**Okay, gangs, are y'all ready for another fanfic? (lifts finger) Great! Let's begin.**

**This is going to be my first try at a series of one-shots. And, no, not lovey-dovey ones of Dr C/Susan or Link/Susan 'cuz I don't support a smidgen of that (yeah, I know. I'm such a jerk). It's actually going to be about the friendship of BOB, Dr C, and Link. As several of you know, I love Dr C to pieces, but I also love the three together to pieces, labeling them as "my boys." **

** So cross your fingers in the hopes that this goes well and enjoy the show.**

Somewhere in the 90s...

It was an average morning at Area 52. Nothing special. No new monsters. No special news from Monger. Dr. Cockroach sat at the metal table alone and was trying to find something to write down for a complex formula but couldn't. Of course, when you're hungry, your thinking isn't exactly at its best. And everybody knew if the cockroach man was hungry he wasn't exactly in the best mood either.

"Doc!" A too familiar voice echoed across the monstrous room. "Guess what? Guess what?"

_Heaven help us. _Dr. Cockroach thought, irritated and rolling his bulbous eyes. "What, B.O.B.?"

"I had this _really_ crazy dream!" B.O.B. exclaimed. "Can you tell me what it meant?"

"I'm a scientist, B.O.B.; not a psychic."

"Okay, here goes. Ahem, so last night I dreamt that I was somewhere in Hong Kong with you and Link and some Asian lady named Holly. And we were standing at the Eiffel Tower like 'okay, now what?'

"Then I saw the Invisible Man at the top twirling around like he was Quasimodo or something. He gave some long speech. I can't remember what all he said but he said he conquered the world. And the music from that devil part in Fantasia began playing. And he started laughing like crazy, kinda like how you laugh."

_The Eiffel Tower is in Paris. _Dr. Cockroach thought boringly, taking notes. _If you twirled around on that, you'd probably fall off. The music for that part is called "A Night On Bald Mountain." Epic, amazing piece of music. It's the pagan Russian black god Tchernobog, not a devil. Looks like one though. Listen, I like laughing like that. _

"And then he married Holly at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Link got hit by a rocket ship and turned into a ghost that haunted us for the rest of our lives. Monger caught you and kept you chained like a mad dog here. But...you resurrected Princess Anastasia before that, and I got to marry her."

_The Tower's in Italy. Since when do people get run over by rocket ships? Mad dog, eh? That's _Grand Duchess _Anastasia. A Franken-bride. Ridiculous._

"Now what does it mean?"

Our beloved scientist rolled his eyes once more. There was no stopping this boy.

"Well, B.O.B., it-"

"Don't start yet. We have to get you your psychic gear!"

An hour after breakfast, everything was set up. An old cheap Christmas snowglobe was set in the middle of the table. As for astrology, a discarded packet of glow-in-the-dark star stickers were placed high on the walls courtesy of Link and Insectosaurus. B.O.B. stood at one side of the table with his one eye shut tightly, crossing his fingers and praying to fate that something good would happen. At the other end sat Dr. Cockroach. Several plastic girls' play rings that were too small lay on his fingers. A soiled paisley bandana was tied around his antennae. He brooded. He had never felt more ridiculous in his life.

"Okay, Madame Cockroach. We ready?"

Link sighed in annoyance at the blob and sympathy for the scientist. He threw a switch that dimmed the facility lights. Taking in a deep breath, Doc began a chant:

_Asante sana, squash banana,_

_ Cuprum, plumbum, causticum,_

_ Abra cadabra,_

_ Hick-_

"Madame Cockroach, why are that Santa and reindeer in the middle of the globe?" B.O.B. interrupted.

"They help him see the past, present, and future." Link quickly answered. "They're the spirits of psychic-ology."

"Cool! No wonder he knows if you've been bad or good."

_Abra cadabra,_

_ Hickory, dickory, dock!_

"Let's see..." Dr. Cockroach began. He closed his eyes in a meditating stance. "Come forth, spirits. Come forth.

"Ah, here it is! The Invisible Man has found this woman named Holly-Holly Tam to be exact-at the Eiffel Tower while on a world cruise on a rocket ship, married her at the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and are now honey mooning in Hong Kong. He is now a great international leader, his subjects having 'A Night On Bald Mountain' as their phone ringtones."

"Wow!" B.O.B. cried.

"Shush, B.O.B.. We don't want the spirits to go away. Unfortunately, ghosts from Link's past are coming to haunt him. We're going to escape to Russia, find the lost remains of the Romanovs, and resurrect Anastasia. Monger is going to find us, and everybody finds their way out except me."

"And?"

Dr. Cockroach had enough. "And you and Anastasia got married and lived happily ever after. The End!" He finished quickly. He gratefully ripped off the bandana and got the tight plastic bands off, his fingers white-purple from the lack of blood circulation.

"That was AWESOME!" B.O.B. cheered. Link and Dr. Cockroach shook their heads. "I'm gonna have the best future in the world!"


	2. Something You Don't See Everyday

"What are they running away from?" B.O.B. asked, holding his eye out from his blobbish, well, socket.

No one answered. Link stood motionless while trying to recover from the chlorine in his red eyes. Dr. Cockroach, a bit disoriented and covered in smoke, held a martini glass as his dilated eye twitched a few times. B.O.B. finally reached over and started shaking Link.

"I _said _what are they running away from?" He asked again.

"B.O.B., just..." Link started saying, about ready to strangle what he could of him. "Let's go before we freak out even more people."

"Why did Susan's parents run away?" B.O.B. asked as the trio ventured out of the suburban neighborhood.

"'Cause we're monsters." Link retorted. "We're something people don't see every day."

"Really? I don't recall being the only one of my kind." The cockroach man and the fish ape rolled their eyes.

"Link's species was something you'd see every day." Dr. Cockroach thought aloud. "That is, twenty thousand years ago. I used to be human and haven't been one for forty-seven years."

"So, Doc, does that mean you're something people see every day?" B.O.B. asked. "You're part human."

"Yes, I am, B.O.B., but I'm also part of something people shriek at and try to kill."

"That smarts. Especially since we're gonna be something people see every day."

"But don't like." Link added.

The blob's frown turned into a smile like he spotted something. And he did. "Hey, is that Susan over there?"

Dr. Cockroach's antennae drooped at the sight of the giantess sulking. _Poor thing. _He thought. He turned to his friends. "Let's try to cheer her up." It seemed like a good idea, but with their disappointed expressions, it would be a long shot. But they could at least try.

**And yes, the Halloween special "Night of the Living Carrots" is out but is only shown in video downloads on the 3DS. While I'm cursing Disney for all the crap they do nowadays, I've got a good reason to curse DreamWorks as well cuz we fans have our rights too. Not just some spoiled rich kids.**


	3. The Get Out of Jail Free Case

**Blame finals. Nuf said. Okay, while helping my pop with trick-or-treaters, I came up with this idea. From my part of the world, it's only four days after Halloween. Sorry I'm late. Lifetime should be updated soon.**

A monster mission on Halloween night. _Thanks a lot, Monger!_ Link thought, brooding. Not only a monster mission on Halloween night but also an epic fail of a monster mission.

"What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?" BOB kept screaming repeatedly, dashing back and forth between his cohorts back at the facility.

"Well, BOB," Dr. Cockroach sighed. "We just simply tell Monger the truth and...well,...we...well..."

"Get our due?" The blob whimpered. Link and Dr Cockroach nodded in unison.

BOB's POV

_I have no idea what I was doing wrong. I just rang the doorbell at some house in...I forget where we were...I don't know, but I rang a doorbell, and nobody would respond. I waited ten seconds like Doc said for me to do according to...what is that word? Protocol?...okay, moving on. Doc also said...I forgot what..._

_ For the most part, I could tell somebody was home were several cars parked out on the curb outside the house and there were lots of lights and music and people talking inside. _

_ "That's not very nice." I mumbled. After waiting ten minutes, I thought a minute. If there's lots of people inside, there must be a __**lot **__of candy in there too. _

_ Ding dong!...Ding dong!...Still no response..._

_ !_

_ The door flew open, and some man dressed up as a zombie glared daggers at me. "Idiot! Can't you take a freaking hint? If we're not handing out candy, we are __**not **__handing out candy! Capish?"_

_ I slid back, realizing what I had done. And then, the light on the doorbell went out, and the button and a wire fell out. I blinked a couple of times and left several pieces of candy, hoping it would be a payment for that doorbell. At the instance of dropping the last pieces, I took off like nobody's business._

Dr Cockroach's POV

Focus...focus...focus, Cockroach...focus.

_That's all I would allow myself to think. I didn't care if my associates were dawdling. I didn't care that I got over the one -no, two...wait a moment...one- Swirly Pop incidence and now enjoyed this time of year. Earth was in danger, and it was up to us to protect it. We had come too far to risk failure and the devastation of being thrown back into prison. _

_ I was walking up a driveway and analyzing my scanner. After BOB broke it while shooting the zombie carrots, a new one had to be created. Shortly after that night a new one was made: stronger detection rays, luminescent shell, and completely child -and BOB- proof. I wiped my hands on my lab coat and rang the doorbell. _

_ I noted the exterior decorations of the house had a lot more purple than than greens, oranges, and blacks. Yes, it was also a Halloween color, but it really caught my attention. A teenage girl wearing purple accessories such as rubber bracelets and socks opened the door. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow._

_ Doing it as my duty, I scanned the young woman's eye. Right before I was complete, she fell forward beside me unconscious. Worst of all, she convulsed violently as if having a seizure, rolled up eyes and all. _

_ "Eloise! Eloise! You okay?" I heard another girl's voice call. Three girls also wearing purple were alarmed not only at the sight of their friend shaking uncontrollably on the floor but also at the sight of a man in a costume with a scanner in his hand._

_ "Man, get a life!" A girl cried, glaring at me. "We're kickin' off epilepsy awareness month at midnight!"_

_ "I-I-I'm terribly sorry, ladies." I stuttered as I watched the girls bend down next to their unconscious friend. "My regrets, my apologies." I finished giving my pardons and took off like there was no tomorrow._

Link's POV

_I'll always regret being an epic failure last Halloween with scaring people. Well, not while being a zombie. Doc was very good at clarifying that, which made me happy. But one lesson was learned that year: the only day scaring never works is Halloween. Other days, like spring break, work. _

_ Anyway, that's off the subject. I was more focused on the mission yet less and more eager to scare people. Instead of roaring at people, I would search them the old fashioned way. _

_ I rang the doorbell and waited a few seconds. A woman, about early twenties, opened the door with a bowl full of candy. I searched by feeling her like she was stopping at an international border and I was the inspector._

_ "Pervert!" She screamed. The ceramic bowl lay on the ground, and she lifted it up and smashed it on my head._

_ "Ow!" I moaned, shards of the broken bowl falling off my shoulders. Man, talk about little dog syndrome. "Look, lady, I-"_

_ "Don't you reason with me, you son of a shotgun!" She yelled. "I'm a married woman You may think you're some tough hot guy in that Missing Link costume, but I'm not gonna let some darned hero-wannabe touch me like that! Now out!"_

_ Next thing I knew she kicked me right in the -oowww- crotch. That brought back the moment at Cocoa Beach when some fiery babe did the same to me. That was one of the reasons I lost my cool. At the moment I found myself ready to just let go. I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes to the porch light above me._

_ "'Kay. You win, lady." I muttered. I walked off as if in defeat._

_ "Good!"_

The three fellow monsters kept their eyes to the floor. If they had to be thrown back in, they brought it all on themselves. A few seconds later, Monger walked into the room.

"Well, boys, we're gonna get this mess cleaned up. Now pay attention.

"B.O.B., when one has their porch lights on, you do NOT, whatsoever, ring that doorbell. I don't care how many people are in there or how much candy they have, don't do it."

"Oh..." The blob sulked. "...sorry..."

"Doc, the convulsions of the girl wasn't at all your fault. After specialists analyzed the scanner, the scanner has the strobe light effect of an electro...electro..."

"Electroencephalography?" The cockroach man guessed. "Blast it! I should've known."

"Guess we'll have to fix that up. And find more ways to enhance it for mankind's sake.

"Link, we've got to find another way to search people via equipment rather than touch."

"Yeah, but the last one got destroyed 'cause the buttons were too small." The fish ape reasoned.

"Fine with that...

"All I can say, boys, you would've been in deep doodoo..." He paused. The monsters looked up. "But thankfully...it's Halloween. And nobody knew who you were." B.O.B. sighed outloud with relief.

"But remember, if you do it at any time outside that night, y'all are really in for trouble."


	4. L'amour in June

** I was about to put this on hold until…an idea finally struck me! Begin resurrection!**

June, 1969…(B.O.B. didn't arrive yet.)

Dr. Cockroach was about to take a bite out of a piece of stained papers. Stapled or glued together, the papers compiled into a calendar. Before the first of a series of nibbles could begin, the calendar was ripped out of his hands. The scientist blew tenderly onto the fresh paper cuts.

"What a waste!" The Invisible Man cried sarcastically. "Look, look!" The seemingly levitated pages flipped over to May. None of the dates had been marked out with an X. He continued to search through the pages backwards.

Through December, he hummed and sang, "Mm-hm-hm-hm-mhm-kh-hm, _We wish you a merry Christmas, la da de da dum de…" _Pausing at October, he looked at the painting of a jack o' lantern. "Heck, _every _day's Halloween here." July—_"O-oh, say can you seeeee,"_. He stopped immediately at June.

"Why'd ya stop?" Link asked.

"Well, macho bunny," The Invisible Man began as he sat down in one of the metal chairs and kicked his legs up on the table. "June's a VIM—very important month—for me.

One—it was my birth month. Yessiree, the eighth of June.

Two—I got married that month. The eighth as well. Every guy should get married on his birthday."

"What was her name?" Doc asked monotonously, focused more on his lunch than his inmate's drabbles.

"She, buggo, was named Misty." The Invisible Man sighed. "Ah...sweet little Misty. The apple of my eye, _Mon notre dame chere._" He growled flirtatiously with a French air. "Outta this world alright."

Dr. Cockroach and Link looked at each other and shrugged, knowing each other had at least some mutual thoughts on the world of love lives.

When he was still human, Dr. Cockroach was engaged for a short while to some girl, Ilene, her name was. They met each other years ago at primary school and never saw each other again until he was working on his doctorate in the late 50s at college. The last time he saw her was only fifteen minutes before his freak accident.

Link had an interest as well. Before being frozen in ice, he mated with a pale yet gorgeous creature of his kind named Nerilla. Life was peaceful and almost perfect until the Ice Age set in. The harsh cold forces, both on land and in water, shook their world and separated them. He never saw her again and was a few days later frozen.

"Hang on, I thought Valentine's Day was in June." Link said, half sarcastically.

"Well, look who knows so much." The Invisible Man snapped back. "Y'all's may have had a sweetheart at some time in your past, but none compares to my love life. Watch. How 'bout this?" Link and Dr. Cockroach face palmed.

"Don't beat yourself up in such a manner, mon chere." The Invisible Man cooed, kneeling in front of Dr. Cockroach. "Sweetest Doctor Buggo Cockyson, will you…" Dr. Cockroach could feel his hands being grasped and caressed in the once-human monster's hand.

_Oh, heavens, please. _He thought. _Not this. _

"…will you have the privilege…"

_Anything but this._

o-of tying my shoelaces?"

Dr. Cockroach scoffed. "I should say not!" He angrily withdrew his hands and stuffed them in his pockets.

"C'mon, Doc," Link grumbled. "Let's just get the heck out of here."

The fish-ape and the cockroach man walked off to their cells.

"Don't fret, buggo! You'll make the little loopies and I'll tie the knot!"


	5. The End of the Line

It was too late. It was over. No seriously. It was all over.

"Susan!" Link pleaded, his hand sore from pushing against the thick doors. The first person he wanted destroyed was himself for sure. "Get out of here while you still got the chance!"

"No. Don't say that." The three monsters heard the young woman's distant voice. "I'm not leaving you guys!"

"Yes, you are!" Dr. Cockroach protested. He mentally scrambled for a solution as quickly as he could. "Rendezvous with Monger. He's outside the ship waiting for you. Go! While there's still time." He stepped back from the door and sulked along with BOB.

They barely heard the computer's voice over the intercom announcing the time left. The time left for Susan's safety. The time left for the monsters' lives.

"Don't you worry about us, Susan." Link told her. He pressed his head defeatedly against the door. "You finally have the chance to get your old life back."

"I don't want my old life back." Those were the last words they would hear from her. From anyone, in fact. They heard the fading noise of motors and stared at the door until the whirs could no longer be heard.

From a range of forty to nearly fifty years, Link, Dr. Cockroach, and BOB had resided in a humble but dreary underground facility. The only daylight they could look forward to in the morning was the humming of the main room lights. The only shows they could watch were each other making fools out of themselves. Except for the few monsters that came and went throughout the years, those were the only new faces they would see.

"There she goes." Dr. Cockroach said under his breath. "I wish her well."

"Where will she go?" BOB asked, lightly whimpering.

"Probably back to her home." Link answered. "Back to who she used to be. Little Miss Susan Murphy."

"Wait, I thought she was Ginormica." BOB stated aloud.

_Not anymore. _Link and Dr. Cockroach thought in unison.

Watching the gradual destruction of the extra-terrestrial colossus around him, the past came alive to Link. His childhood days of swimming and playing with his family and friends in the warm waters miles outside of what is now Florida. The adolescence spent in learning from his father how to hunt and survive on his own. The light fluffy yet nervous feelings he felt for his first mating season. His first love. His first heartbreak. The day he was separated from his clan by a rapidly coming storm filled with cold, a hellish nightmarish cold, and soon consumed in its clutches by ice.

The same applied to our scientist, only in the habitat and comfort of a middle-class family in England. Learning dance from his parents and science from large hardcover books. Performing extravagant maneuvers at parties and experiments at home. Falling in love with what was discovered, what was being discovered, and what was soon to be discovered. Falling in love with that one schoolgirl whom he felt he could never deserve. His graduations. His hard work. The day his experiment backfired and destroyed him, chaining him to a lifeless godforsaken world for years to come.

Though he couldn't remember much, B.O.B. recalled his "birthday party" all those years ago and how he and his buddies would share secrets at a sleepover. Though Monger made the monsters keep their word and had them dragged throughout that grueling day, the blob had forgotten those secrets. Yet, surprisingly, he could remember his days in prison. Bawling a hurricane when he was brought in as a baby (how the heck he would remember that was beyond anyone). Tagging along with his friends during escape attempts only for him to be the unintentional culprit of their failure. Playing with and at times bugging the daylights out of them.

The walkway a few feet away from them collapsed. The triad desperately ran to the center of the ship, the only secure spot. The computer's announced countdown every minute mocked them. They were running out of time quickly. Getting out of this wreck and living was too late to be an option. They glanced at each other, a look in each eye that was never seen before.

_"__TOTAL ANNIHILATION IN T-MINUS ONE MINUTE"_ sounded in the ship. Link and Dr. Cockroach's flashbacks on their pasts and B.O.B.'s flashbacks on their lives in prison had come to a close. It was really all over.


	6. Is This Home?

**Songfic chap: set to Home from the Beauty and the Beast Broadway. Had to change the lyrics a bit.**

_**April 4, 1961…**_

"I know you don't understand this." A middle-aged military man announced. "But you are the Missing Link." The metal sliding door shut in front of the newly captured fish-ape. In anger, frustration, and hurt, the now Link slammed his large hand against the door.

_No, I had no choice,  
>What did I do to stay?<br>But I don't deserve to lose my freedom in this way,  
>You monster!<em>

He growled and roared, pounding away at the metal. It was several blows to make his fists throb and make him stop. Why did this heartless wretch do this to him? All he wanted to was go home and make life the way it was before what happened before several thousand years ago.

_If you think that what you've done is right, Well then,  
>You're a fool!<br>…Think again…_

He curled up into a ball. Tired but too pressured with mixed emotions to fall asleep. Hours later, he was about to doze off when his room dropped like an elevator with its cables severed. The same wall that shut him up now opened to a brighter and larger series of rooms. Shielding his eyes from the light, he crawled into the first one he saw in the hopes of something happier, more pleasant than his dungeon of a cell.

_Is this home?  
>Is this where I should learn to be happy?<br>Never dreamed  
>That a home could be dark and cold,<em>

There was nothing. Nothing but a sea of gray that reminded him too much of the clouds and snow that changed all that he knew. It was hard to say which was worse: this prison of metal or the prison of ice. Thankfully soon his captor, some man named Monger, would join him along with his friend Georgie the cattle prod. He was soon taught the basics of man's way of life, like English and manners.

_I was told  
>Ev'ry day in my childhood:<br>Even when we grow old  
>Home should be where the heart is.<br>Never were words so true._

Almost a year after his capture, he was given a new companion, a dreaded companion to be exact. His name was the Invisible Man, and his first few days were raging and swearing at Monger. Sooner or later, out of anger the transparent monster walked around like a spirit in a haunted house just talking and keeping him company in this dark, bland place. Hopefully this would work.

_My heart's far, far away;  
>Home is too.<em>

_**September 16, 1962**_

A man with a cockroach head sank to the floor in the corner. Dr. Cockroach_…_what a name. What an insult! Heartbreak and anger made him dumb and unable to speak. Who would've thought that a small broken window in a basement/lab could screw up one's life, not to mention a freak accident from a creation that could've saved the world. Worst of all, the people he knew and loved ran away from him when he saw them.

_Is this home?  
>Is this where I should learn to be happy?<br>Never dreamed  
>That a home could be dark and cold,<em>

Upon stepping out into a room that would soon become a part of his everyday life, Dr. Cockroach's eyes dilated and he scrambled back to the wall. In one of the rooms at a table with a pile of raw fish and a bowl of oatmeal sat a fish-ape-man. _"Great! Just brilliant!_" He thought. "_This Monger fellow is mad enough to let this thing kill me._"

_Is this home?  
>Is this what I must learn to believe in?<br>Try to find  
>Something good in this tragic place.<em>

"Izokay." The green creature spoke in crude English. "Eat."

"_No, thank you._" Dr. Cockroach thought in disgust and fear. A pile of garbage plummeted onto the table. Famished, he crawled to the table and gathered in his arms what was appealing and seemed enough. Before he could scamper back to his refuge, a pair of hands grabbed him and led him to a chair.

"Oh, no you don't." A voice said. "You're joining the tea party. Here's your seat."

_Just in case  
>I should stay here forever,<br>Held in this empty place.  
>Oh, but that won't be easy,<br>I know the reason why._

Reluctantly, he sat down in a metal chair. Chewing away at the sole of a black flat shoe, he noticed a slip of paper covered with plastic. After swallowing a few bites, he pulled it out. It was a fire escape route for an out-of-business motel called "Happy Trails Inn". A spark of genius became a blazing bonfire of brilliance inside him as he searched through his garbage for makeshift apparatus and tools and whatnot. He was getting out of here, even if it was the last thing he did.

_My heart's far, far away;  
>Home's a lie.<em>

_**1978**_

Now in his newer water-filled cell, Link scratched another small line into the side of the wall. So far that was mark #825, each one marking an escape attempt. With one-hundred-seventy-five marks to go to make a thousand, it was a wonder his insect-human hadn't given up yet. Still, with the look in his friend's eyes, it was getting close to surrender. What was the point anymore? You'd get nothing but an epic fail and your privileges revoked.

_What I'd give to return  
>To the life that I knew lately.<br>But I know that I can't  
>Solve my problems going back.<em>

Ten years ago, a blue gelatinous mass joined the gang of boys. B.O.B., as he was dubbed, could be a hoot yet a pain in the banoochie. At times he came in handy with escape attempts but was the majority of the time the culprit of each failure. The following year, a giant grub named Insectosaurus came to live with them. While the Invisible Man and B.O.B. became fast friends, Link took Insecto under his wing. __

_Is this home?  
>Am I here for a day or forever?<br>Shut away  
>From the world until who knows when.<em>

_**1986**_

Five years ago, Dr. Cockroach gave up; even though he never reached the thousandth mark (he was pretty close). The more he tried, the stronger the walls of his prison became. The Invisible Man died two years ago of a heart attack, as Dr. Cockroach and the facility doctor both diagnosed. Yes, two years felt like two months here in this wretched place, but it was hard to believe he had been gone that long. The same went for the twenty-four years since his capture. When you've been in an X-file for that long, you can only guess what was going on back at home.

_Oh, but then,  
>As my life has been altered once,<br>It can change again,  
>Build higher walls around me,<br>Change ev'ry lock and key._

_**2004**_

Throughout the years, Link, Dr. Cockroach, B.O.B., and Insectosaurus watched other monsters come and go besides the Invisible Man. Like mutants, once-human monsters, mutated twisted animals, and some creatures one would never believe to exist, from a Spaniard centaur to a rare alieness to a twenty-foot eyeball. At times, you had one large enough to be a Cheaper-By-the-Dozen family. For half the time, it was just the four.

_Nothing lasts, nothing holds  
>All of me.<em>

No matter how many monster friends you had there, no matter how many happy days you had there, no matter long, no matter what, the prison facility would never be known as home.

_My heart's far, far away,  
>Home and free.<em>

** Was without ideas for a next chapter and decided to another songfic. Hopefully, I can get back to the funnies. PS: banoochie is my mom's word for butt. **


	7. Christmas Medley

**Let the Christmas festivities kick-off. And hang the politically correct "say-Holiday-not-Christmas" hogwash; I'm still saying it. Now this story's a bit out of my theories of monster captures, but I just had to do it! Enjoy!**

December 1968…~

"_Adesssste Fiiiidelessss, _

_ "Laeti triiiiumphaaaante,_

_ "Veniiiteeee, venii-ii-teee,i-in Beeeth-le-heeem;_

_ "Naaaatum videeeeteeee,_

_ "Regen Aaaangelooorum;_

_ "Venite adoooreeeemus,_

_ "Venite adoooreeemus,_

_ "Venite adoooreemu-us, Dooo-ho-ho-ommm-in-uuuuuuummmm"_

Dr. Cockroach finished the quiet crooning and sweetly remembered that language he learned in high school as a teenager. It was a lovely language yet a dead one, now only used for international communications on scientific names.

"Doc, seriously; what's with the mumbo jumbo?"

"It's Latin, Invisible Man." The bug man brooded.

"I know that, if you're gonna sing it, sing it in English…if you're gonna sing it in Latin, do it Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole style. It's the only way."

"Can I try?" BOB asked, waving his hand like a student in class.

"Break a leg, buddy!" The Invisible Man gave a thumbs-up.

"I don't have legs…does that mean I have to break someone else's?"

"Just sing!" Link grumbled.

_"A duuuusssty fiiiddle,leeeeeeeesssss,_

_ "Lady trial cooommmmfooorrrrt,_

_ "Vennntiiii-uh, vivvveeetttte, eh? In Beeeth-le-heem?_

_ "Naaaaa tuuuumy vennntiiiii,_

_ "Reagan Aaannngel Lauuurrraaaa,_

_ "They needed an old reeeeed moose,_

_ "They needed an old reeeeed moose,_

_ "They needed an old reeeeed moose, dominoes!" _

Only the Invisible Man clapped and even gave a standing ovation.

"Thank you, yes, thank you." BOB bowed. "Our next show will be tonight at 9 o'clock." He peered of into the corner. "Hey, Doc, what's that you're building?"

"A Christmas tree…" He said, not turning his head to his companions.

"How do you know it's almost Christmas?" The blob asked.

Link turned up the radio,

_You better watch out (watch out),_

_ You better not cry (boo hoo)_

_ You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why;_

_ Oh! Saaannta Claus is comin' to town, (yeah)_

"Sorry, kid." Link turned it back down. "You're cute, but…not that cute."

_"O __Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum,_

"_Wie treu sind deine Blätter!" _The doctor began singing again.

"Okay, now _that _I don't get." BOB commented. "All I know is—" He raised his hand in the Hitler salute.

"Not in an American facility." Link wrapped an arm around BOB's mouth.

"Amen to that." The Invisible Man agreed. "How about this?

"_Isn't dis a Christmas tree? _

"_Yah, das ist ein Christmas tree._

"_Isn't all this candy free?_

"_Oh, yes, all dis candy's free._

"_Candy free, Christmas tree,_

"_What a merry Christmas party, what a merry Christmas tree!" _

"Sing it again! Sing it again!" BOB clapped.

While the Invisible Man entertained his brainless friend with the comedic Christmas song, Link wandered over to Dr. Cockroach, not only out of curiosity but mainly to get away from all the obnoxious ruckus.

"Nice tree, Doc." He said sarcastically. "Really nice." Who was to blame the fish ape? The tree, rather than a fine fresh-smelling piece of woodland nature, was rather a dog-pile of old pieces of wood planks, paper, melon peels, and all sorts of saved garbage. The only thing that was really interesting was the star on top. It sure was a beauty for being pulled tossed out, but there was one little detail that made it odd: a little round ball on the top point.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Dr. Cockroach folded his hands behind his back only to return to the other reserved garbage.

"Is this another one of your—"

"Shush…" His voice lowered to a whisper. "You see the top point of the star?" Link nodded. "This tree serves as a radio tower with that small ball as the receptor. When the moment is right, we'll receive communications from governments around the world and call for help." A wicked smile formed on the human mustache as he continued back to work by making a chain from ragged ripped construction paper, fastening the rings with repaired wires. A few minutes later, the tree was nice and decorated. "Now, can you help me put this in the middle of the room?"

"Sure."

"Be gentle with it, Link."

"Wow…a Christmas tree…just like the ones in the ads." BOB squealed.

"Yeah, and recycled, too." The Invisible Man added. "I swear, Doc, the hippies are gonna worship you. Say, BOB, remember some of the things you didn't get for your birthday?" He turned to the other prisoners in deliberate annoyance. "Remember, guys?"

"Yeah…" BOB thought hard. "…Come to think of it, those things are pretty stupid now. I really don't know what I want for Christmas."

"I'm not sure either, bro. I'm pretty sure what those bozos want." The transparent human stuck his tongue out.

"And I'm pretty sure I know what you want." Link growled, clapping his fist in the palm of his other hand and marching up. "You like cash, huh, Invisible Man?"

"Yeah…and lots of it."

"Well, the tooth fairy's gonna make you rich tonight."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…easy does it, fish-face."

"Easy shmeasy…I swear once I get to you, I'm gonna…"

_THUMP! _

_THUMP!_

"What's that?" BOB asked, somewhat shuddering at the subtle slow thunder-like sound.

_THUMP! _

_THUMP! _

"Merry Christmas, monsters!" Captain Monger stepped in with a smile, his hands folded behind his back. "I broughtcha somethin', somethin' I think you've been wantin' for a while." Link and Dr. Cockroach's faces lit up in anticipation. "No, yer not gettin' out." The smiles turned upside-down. "Okay, boys!"

The door…no, doors,…make that wall slid open. All seven eyes of the monsters widened at the sight of a giant grub.

"Whoa, mamma!" The Invisible Man gawked. "Where the h-e-double-hockey-sticks did you pick this up, Cap?"

"Tokyo, Invisible Man. Meet Insectosaurus: a prime example that nuclear radiation and grubs don't mix. Be a little nice with him; he's pretty scared."

Frightened, Insectosaurus stepped forward…too much forward. A dreadful crunching noise was heard from under his foot, making him even more scared.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Link called. "Easy does it,…easy…" Insecto calmed down. "Yeah, that's it…" The behemoth settled down and stepped backwards to get a better view of his new friends. "All clear! He's okay!" Link called.

"Yay!" The Invisible Man and BOB cheered in unison before singing,

"_Heeeee's come hooooooooome for Chriiiissstmasssss,_

"_Heeeee can cooooouuuuuunt on weeeeeee." _

As the others welcomed the new arrival and parodied the popular Christmas song, Dr. Cockroach sat at the back of the room, antennae drooping in front of his face, as he held a piece of the flattened paper chain.

"_Heeeee's come hoooooomme for Chriiiiiistmaaaaaassss," _

The Invisible Man emphasized the last line, just for the sulking doctor.

"_If ooooonllllyyyy innnnn hiiiissss dre-he-he-eaaaaaaaammmmms…." _

**So for carols…you probably recognize the Jackson 5 version of **_**Santa Claus Is Coming to Town**_**. The song following **_**Christmas Tree **_**is a song called **_**Yah Das Ist Ein Christmas Tree**_**, sung by Mel Blanc (voiced a lot of the Looney Tunes characters). **


End file.
